Introduction
Imagine life as a pie chart, with each slice representing different values and areas of importance. As we age, this pie chart grows in clarity, allowing us to better understand what truly matters in our lives. When we are young, our perception of important values differs from what it might be later in life. This evolving understanding of priorities can have significant implications on our relationships, especially when it comes to marriage and long-term partnerships. In this article, we will explore the reasons behind this shift in values, the consequences it has on relationships, and potential solutions to navigate these changes.
The Changing Pie Chart of Life
Our values and priorities change throughout our lives, influenced by various factors such as personal experiences, cultural norms, and psychological development. According to psychologist Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, individuals go through a series of stages, each with its own set of challenges and priorities (1). Consequently, what we perceive as important at a younger age may differ vastly from our priorities in later life.
As an example, a study by the Pew Research Center found that while 86% of 18-29 year-olds consider a successful marriage to be one of the most important things in life, this percentage drops to 66% for those aged 65 and older (2). This change in priorities can be attributed to the natural progression of life, as people shift their focus towards personal growth, career development, and family dynamics.
The Impact on Relationships and Marriage
The changing pie chart of life can have a profound effect on our relationships, particularly when it comes to marriage. In our youth, with a blurry vision of what is important, we may choose partners who meet our most pressing needs at that time. However, as we grow older and our priorities shift, we may find that our partner no longer aligns with our evolving values.
This misalignment can lead to dissatisfaction, conflict, and even divorce. According to a study conducted by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, couples who marry between the ages of 20 and 24 have a 37% chance of getting divorced, whereas those who marry between 25 and 29 have a 27% chance (3). These statistics suggest that marrying at a younger age, when our priorities are still in flux, may increase the likelihood of relationship discord.
Divorce or Make Due: Navigating the Changes
When faced with the realization that our partner may no longer match our evolving values, we are left with two primary options: divorce or make due. The decision ultimately depends on an individual’s religious, emotional, and personal beliefs.
For some, the idea of divorce may be unthinkable due to religious or cultural reasons. In these cases, couples can work together to adapt and grow, seeking the help of a professional therapist or counselor if necessary. This approach emphasizes the importance of communication, compromise, and commitment to the relationship despite the changes in personal values.
On the other hand, for those who view divorce as a viable option, it may provide an opportunity to find a partner more aligned with their current priorities. This choice is not without its challenges, as divorce can be a complex and emotionally taxing process. However, it can also serve as a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery.
Conclusion
The pie chart of life is constantly evolving, as we grow older and our values and priorities shift. This natural progression can have a significant impact on our relationships, particularly in marriage. Whether we choose to adapt and make due or pursue a divorce, it is essential to acknowledge and respect our personal growth and the changes in our values. By understanding the factors that influence our priorities and maintaining open communication with our partners, we can navigate the shifting landscape of life and work towards more fulfilling relationships.
References
- Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. New York: W. W. Norton & Company. This seminal work by renowned psychologist Erik Erikson presents his theory of psychosocial development, which highlights the different stages of life and their associated challenges and priorities. This book provides valuable insights into the factors that influence our values and priorities throughout our lives.
- Pew Research Center. (2010). The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2010/11/18/the-decline-of-marriage-and-rise-of-new-families/. This report presents a comprehensive analysis of marriage trends and the changing importance of marriage across different age groups. It highlights the shift in priorities as individuals age and provides context for the impact of these changes on relationships.
- Copen, C. E., Daniels, K., & Mosher, W. D. (2012). First Marriages in the United States: Data from the 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth. National Health Statistics Reports, (49), 1-22. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf. This study, conducted by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, examines the divorce rates among different age groups and highlights the increased likelihood of relationship discord among couples who marry at a younger age.
